covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
