i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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