Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
