What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
