I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
