my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
