You don't have asthma, your pregnant
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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