The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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