i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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