Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
