I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
