Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
