So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
