I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
