Whod you bang
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
