You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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