that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
