Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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