i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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