Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
