So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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