from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
