I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
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