my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
