Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
