you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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