If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
