tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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