I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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