JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
