It's like a parade of train wrecks.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
