Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
