here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
