I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
