Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
