thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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