so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
