i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
