We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
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