Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
