She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
