Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I just had sex on a roof
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
