remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
