..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
