I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
