so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
