maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
