I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
