According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
