So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
