did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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