I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
